1. The fact that my basement is a freezer, the main floor is perfect, and the top floor is a sauna…and I can’t do a damn thing to change it.
2. The dog owners down the street who think it’s okay to let their HUGE dog (who, by the way, makes a habit of jumping over the fence and roaming the neighborhood until they decide to round him up again) BARK and BARK and BARK for hours on end every morning, noon, and dinnertime.
3. On the subject of animals, my cat’s incessant meowing as she tries to trip me down the stairs every.single.morning. Look, Phoebe, I know you’re hungry. I know your food bowl is empty. I also know that you know that the first thing I do every.single.morning is fill your bowl with food. Calm.the.fuck.down.
4. The fact that Piper STILL isn’t potty trained, and has, for some reason, completely undone any progress we had made over these past six months.
5. Never-ending chores like dishes and laundry.
6. Cooking what I think is a great dinner, only to have my daughter and husband-who-is-pickier-than-Piper only eat the starch.
7. My mom sends my daughter a package that’s either filled with crap from the dollar store or things that I should buy her as her mother (the latter occurs mostly around holidays, and some examples include pajamas for Christmas Eve, and, more recently, a chocolate easter bunny which just so happens to be the exact bunny The Easter Bunny is bringing Piper on Sunday.) I know she means well, but if she’d open a savings account for Piper and dump all the money she spends on things that end up in the garbage within a couple weeks, she could buy Piper’s first car.
8. Parents who don’t discipline their children.
9. Parents who don’t watch their children when at a birthday party and leave the three seperate chewed up carrots he has spit onto my living room, kitchen, and dining room floor for me to clean up.
10. The fact that by the time my husband gets home from work I’m so tired and stressed from dealing with the devil-toddler that has replaced my daughter that the last thing I want to think about is fooling around. I miss fooling around so regularly it was all I could think about the second I saw him.
11. Previously mentioned devil-toddler that expects me to call her Piper. Where did my child go??
12. Max and Ruby, and the fact that they don’t have parents but do have a Grandma who lives far away. It’s just…weird.
13. That no matter how many times I vacuum and/or pick up Piper’s toys in the living room, the house is still a mess by the time Brandon gets home.
14. I can’t stay out all day anymore. I was EXHAUSTED yesterday after a trip to Michaels, lunch at Red Robin, and an hour at the mall. Ridiculous.
15. My sister still doesn’t have a job, and doesn’t understand why this is a big deal for more people than just her.
16. My mom and I have all but switched roles.
17. The sheer lack of courteous drivers in Anchorage.
18. The sheer lack of customer service in Alaska. Example: Last night, after waiting 45 minutes for Brandon to be done with work, Piper was crying about being hungry (it was 6:45, and we were stuck in a car. Couldn’t blame her.) I pulled into Burger King across the street and ordered Brandon and Piper dinner…it was 99 cent kids meals when you buy a value meal and I wasn’t hungry for fast food. The chick said my total was $8.48, which is wrong. When I got to the window, again, she said, “$8.48″, so I said, “Isn’t the kids meal 99 cents?” She said, “Yeah.” Long pause, during which she’s still holding out her hand for my debit card. I said, “Then it’s not $8.48.” She ROLLED HER EYES and said, “I haven’t changed it yet.” Like it’s my fault there are five signs that say, “99 cent Kid’s Meals!” between the entrance of the drive-thru and her window. So I handed her my card and said, “You don’t have to be a bitch about it.” Needless to say, she did NOT say, “Have a good night” as I pulled away.
Okay I’m done. Maybe tomorrow I’ll make a list of things that make me smile.