So I’ve been a mother for going on three years now, and I think I’ve pretty much got it down.
Granted, the job changes and evolves faster than my creatures on Spore do, but that’s okay; I like change. I get pretty bored when things don’t change.
That being said, I’m not a big fan of this new stage of motherhood…the stage where my almost-three-year-old can make my face turn a brighter shade of red than the period stain on my chair in a student goverment meeting freshman year in High School.
Twice in one day my lovely, adorable, sweetheart of a daughter managed to embarass the living shit out of me.
The first incident happened at Target. Target holds a special place in my heart. Simply put, I love everything about that store. Imagine my dismay when, after using the handy Store Locater dealy, I found out there was no Target in Anchorage, Alaska, and, subsequently, my elation upon finding out after moving here they are indeed building a Target!
Piper, fortunately, shares my love for all things Target, although I suspect this has more to do with their massive toy selection and less to do with the fantastic home decor and purses. We probably visit Target a few times a month…Piper gets to play with toys for a while, and I get to dream about the day when I can afford to decorate my house the way I want it decorated. On this particular visit, we grabbed a cart and kept walking straight, with the women’s clothes on the right and the purses on the left. Piper was having fun pointing out the different colored purses as we strolled by, and I humored her while scanning the swimsuits and clearance clothes.
Then, it happened.
She grabbed my hand, tugged a little, pointed with her free hand, and yelled in the loudest voice she could muster, “Look, Mommy! BOOBS!!”
You see, we had made it further into the store…and while I was still glancing over clothes racks, Piper was noticing the bras.
I’m not sure how many people heard her, but there were two employees walking towards us, and one of them chuckled as he made his way past us.
The second most embarassing moment of my life happened in the public bathroom at Best Buy. We were picking out our new laptop, and I had to go potty, so, to save my husband the hassle of comparing features of laptops while trying to entertain a two year old, I took Piper with me.
Turns out I had to go number two. Which is cool, whatever…I’ve never been weird about going number two in a public place. A toilet is a toilet, right?
So I finish my business, and I’m wiping, and I brought the tissue in front of me so I could fold it over and use it again (I have an odd fear of clogging public toilets and tend to use as little tissue as possible), and my darling daughter, once again in the loudest voice she can muster, yells, “EWWW!!! You pooped!”
Once again, I was rewarded with chuckles from the other bathroom attendees, while I quietly whispered to Piper, “DON’T SAY THAT!!!”