Friday, June 29, 2007

so much has changed.

I should be sleeping right now...but meh.
I'm working at walmart right now, overnight stocking. It's pretty easy, but it gets boring and as a result I get very pensive.
I was thinking tonight about my life and how very different it is from my life when I moved out here five years ago.
Five years ago I was fresh out of high school. I came out here without a real place to live...without a real plan, honestly. I worked at Marie Callender's, had just BARELY passed my driving test but didn't have a car, didn't dress very well or do my hair ever........ack. I'm almost embarassed of myself really up until my last year of college.
It's then that I really started being true to myself. My whole life I've just sort of moved from group to group, conforming to any norm presented to me, be it band, student council, soccer, church, or hockey. I didn't date really at all in high school...and in college went through a series of relationships that technically were nothing but a montage of ncmo's.
I moved out to West Jordan on a whim, really. I didn't have anywhere to live in Logan for the summer, and honestly didn't have the money to find somewhere to live either. Jonna offered her parent's basement and it just felt right. I needed a change.
And here I am...married for almost two months and mother to the most adorable little girl I could ask for.
I really am happy with my life right now. Well, not all of it. Bills suck ass. I loathe money...seriously. Out of the last ten times I've cried, I would bet that at least 7 have been because of money (or lack thereof). I guess truthfully I am happy with my husband and my daughter. Everything else sucks butt. My apartment...the fact that I have to move back into my parent's house at the end of the favorite pair of jeans ripped a hole in the crotch...I don't have the money to buy a new pair or to buy an ipod so I'm not so effing bored at work...I'm going to warped tour but have to work the night before and the night of so it's going to suck...depression is slowly creeping it's way into more and more of my days...AAAACCCCCKKKK.
Whatever. No more pessimism.
Goodness from here on out.
Brandon is joining the Air Force and could possibly find out what his job will be and when he will be going to Basic next week.
My daughter is walking, running, dancing, and babbling her way through life. She loves cheese, music, and hitting me in the face.
Moving in with my parents means I will get to scrapbook more with my mom, which, surprisingly, is an activity I enjoy doing more with her than without. Odd, considering our past.

Anyway, I guess I'm done ranting. I'm off to try and get some shuteye...hope you all have a kickass whatever.