Wednesday, February 28, 2007

sleepless nights

I've been having a hard time getting myself to sleep at a decent hour lately. Brandon and I have discussed this...all those years of working night jobs and then those months I was on graveyards just screwed me up for life. I get huge bursts of energy around 7PM and am never really ready for bed till after midnight if I'm lucky. It's gotten worse since we moved here...I think that's just cause there's always so much for me to do in our house that I just keep going and going...or at least my mind does.
Alaska is great. Seriously. I love it here. The only thing I don't like is the fact that we only have the one car...cause it means I'm stuck at home when Brandon's at work. He's working graveyards right now, which sucks cause he's not here at night, but is nice cause Piper and I can get out of the house during the day.
Joining the air force was probably the best move Brandon could have made. Our lives have changed for the better in such a short period of time...I honestly can't remember the last time Brandon and I fought about something. It's so nice having actual quality time together as a family. We really feel like this is where we are supposed to be...which is a great feeling.
Piper is talking more and more each day. I can't even begin to describe how great it's been to see her develop and grow these past almost-two-years. She knows most of the parts of her body (eyes, ears, mouth, nose, hair, tummy, fingers, toes, arm)...and is constantly shocking us with some new phrase or word. The other day I was eating a bagel and she looks at me and says, "Mommy, bagel pee?" ("Pee" means "Please" in Piper-speak). I was so proud! I'm sort of half-assed trying to potty-train her. It's hard...but I need to suck it up and just do it.
I'm not working at the moment...I'm taking steps to become a liscenced Family Child Care provider out of my home. It's complicated, but once again, I just need to suck it up and get it done.
I've been having a super hard time with motivation lately...and at least once a week I have a minor-breakdown. I don't know why, and I hate it, but about once a week I wake up and my mind just turns into this crazed, negativity magnet and every thing I see or hear gets somehow distorted into making myself feel shitty about my life/body/mistakes/weight/etc. I don't know if it's the winter or being in a new place or what...but it's driving me nuts and I honestly don't know what to do to change it.
We are kinda sorta trying to get pregnant again...well, we're not doing anything to stop it. Hopefully it'll happen soon, though :).
Anyway, I think I better go to sleep. Rock on.

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